I don't think I have ever done a vent blog, but I have to or I will bust. I would normally never share these thoughts because I do not want to be seen as a bad mom or a weak person but here you go....
When is this supposed to get easier? I swear some of you have said that once you are out of the newborn stuff it gets so much better. I know I am not a wimp...so why can't I handle anything my baby throws at me? She is out of control. A nicer way to say it would be: she is now a character and discovering her power. But to me, right now, she is a terrorist.
I am completely exhausted everyday. After I put her to bed I have to pray for the strength to clean up after her: bath, toys, dinner, dishes, food stuck to the floor, in the cracks of the table.... Yes, today was particularly tough with a two hour cry session in opposition to an afternoon nap. I am not always so down but honestly,today is not the first day I have felt this. I think that's why I am at the explosion phase. Sometimes I just think "this cant possibly be my life".
I should just put this into a "bad week" category and move on. Those are the weeks when constantly the joys DO NOT out weigh the terrible. I have to move on, I have no choice. I am so jealous of you people with "easy babies" or maybe you are just better humans than me. I don't know, but I wish there was an escape button. I would be back in a time where I got a pedicure whenever I wanted and was able to pee without rushing it. Those were the days...
PS. If you can even believe it: I dropped my new camera in the sandbox and it broke. Thank goodness Costco will take anything back. But that is the reason for the picture delay. Camera karma?
PPS. I do in fact love my child.
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3 comments:
Hey Jayme,
I've felt the same way many times. I don't think that it takes away at all from how much you love your kid. And I think mom's who say they've never felt this way aren't being completely honest. Anyways, I just stumbled across your blog, and for me, it helps to know that someone else has gone through the same thing :)
Though I have not yet experienced the things you are going through right now, you are not wrong or horrible for saying or feeling these things. I am sure every parent hits this point at some time in the first few years!!!
Hey Jayme, I read your blog last week and have been thinking about you a lot lately. I think Motherhood is the hardest, yet most rewarding job on the planet. What you wrote is every mother's thoughts at one point or another in raising her child(ren). Hang in there and keep on praying --especially for strength. You ARE a good mom and you will get thru it all. I think writing it down is so beneficial cuz one day you'll look back at your thoughts and say "i did it; i got thru it all."
PS did you know that Sarah was my worst baby? OMG... i didn't think i was going to get thru her crying for that 1st year. And look at her now ;-).
PSS: All the pictures are so darling; Livy is a precious little girl.
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